just tell him i said nine months
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
