READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
