He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
