i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
