remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
