a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
