I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
