sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize