i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
