And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
