All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize