Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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