i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
