Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
