you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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