at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
