His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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