If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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