so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
