Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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