whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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