i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
did you just send me my own nude
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
