tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
