very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
no, he came in my armpit
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
