I have demons in me.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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