rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You can't special order awesome
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
