Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
