ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
