dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
