I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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