i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
