At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
