Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The power of my boobs compel you
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
