That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
