somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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