don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
