proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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