I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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