So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
