I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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