I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
