When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
