i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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