The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
