wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
