i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
