i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
