On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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