I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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