I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
