We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
