I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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