A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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