Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
