the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
