so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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