I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
