I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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