It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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