we have officially lost it.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
