what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
