all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
