"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
