Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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