I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
