Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
