Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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