I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
