I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
