yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
